I graduated from Grinnell College with a degree and a new family!!
Back in 2008, I waited anxiously for the Friends of International Students (FIS) luncheon for which I had fortunately signed up (muchas gracias Sakshi Saigal ’10 for introducing me to Grinnell and the FIS Program). I was lucky to meet Kevin and Jennifer McAlexander along with their three lovely children, Isaiah, Parker and Ella.
By the time I set foot in Grinnell — half way across the world from India — I had stayed away from home for about 2 years while attending Kodaikanal International School in India. Compared to constantly-on-the-move Mumbai, Grinnell was a quant town with a population of ~10,000 people. Undoubtedly, the homesickness kicked in and tormented me only to be coupled with an added fear of the 4 years of college that lay ahead of me.
Yet, out of all the things I had imagined and hoped for, I had never thought I would graduate from Grinnell College not only with a Bachelor of Arts in economics and concentration in global development studies, but also with a family of five that I would call my own, for years to come!
My host family and I brewed our relationship from day one until we became a part of each other’s lives. In hindsight, it dawns on me that most of our activities involved food (a lot of FOOD!!) whether it was the famous McAlexander Apple Crisp that was my go-to-dessert choice for my birthday (including birthday bumps that become our tradition during those years), Jennifer’s yogurt pretzels that I (correction: Jennifer made sure even my close friends) got during exam week & Valentine’s Day, or an Indian meal we’d drive to Iowa City for once in a while!
As a leader of the UNICEF club on campus, I organized a Diwali party as a fundraiser, where I choreographed and performed a few Bollywood songs with my classmates. Later that year I made a trip to India and decided to bring back my “siblings” a set of traditional Indian clothes, keeping in mind the upcoming International Student Organization’s (ISO) Cultural Evening. At the event, I got to represent India with my Iowan family on stage. We walked the ramp together — adorning kurta pajamas and lehenga cholis!
From that year, ISO Cultural Evenings and Diwali became unmissable events for us— and some of the most memorable ones too.
Our relationship only grew fonder with each passing year!! Nostalgia always takes me back to Thanksgiving dinners and Easter egg hunts amongst other countless memories of listening to Jennifer play the flute at church, attending homecoming parades, watching my siblings’ football matches, sitting on my first corn combine, (yes, I know flip-flops is not the most appropriate attire!) and celebrating small wins at Peppertree, Chuong Garden, Paglia’s etc.
During the fall semester of third-year, I participated in the Grinnell-in-Washington, D.C. Program. This time I reached an unfamiliar destination, knowing I had family not too far away from me — well, halfway across the country! Once again, Kevin and Jennifer delighted me with their visit to Washington, D.C. We went sightseeing, indulged in Georgetown cupcakes and cooked an Indian meal together in my apartment along with my flatmates.
Fast forward to graduation. My family arrived from India for the ceremony and together with my Iowan family they sat in the audience and cheered on me while I walked on stage to take my degree. I hadn’t thought of such a bittersweet ending to my 4 years at Grinnell as I packed my room full of textbooks, photographs, Post-it notes, winter jackets, scarves, boots, and tons of memories. It was an emotional rollercoaster like none other. I was heading to India with my birth-parents whilst saying goodbye to my host-parents not knowing when I would see them next.
Of course I choked up, only to realize both my mothers did as well!
A few years later, I was pursuing my Master’s in Business Administration at IESE Business School in Spain and planned a trip to the United States to meet my younger sister Ankita in Chicago who was a first-year student at the School of the Art Institute. My long-time-then-boyfriend, Vaibhav (a.k.a VB), was to join us from Savannah where he was completing his Master’s in design management at Savannah College of Arts and Design.
What better time to reconnect with the McAlexanders, I thought!!!! Another city to explore, many more memories to make!
And voila!! We were so fortunate to reunite for a couple of days and I finally got to introduce them to VB, whom they had heard so much about throughout my college years. I was elated to make the two worlds combine, yet again.
“Is he the one?” Jennifer asked, I vividly remember.
“I don’t know, but I hope so,” I replied.
On 22nd July 2018, after 11 years of being together, VB and I got engaged on a gorgeous island in the Key West. We couldn’t wait to share the news with our families. One of the first texts that I sent out was “Jennifer!!! I said yes.”
Early January 2019, we started to finalize a wedding date (8–9 January, 2020), venue etc. and discussed travel plans for the McAlexanders to attend our big day. One evening mid-August, I was on the phone with Jennifer when she said she’d emailed me their India trip itinerary. I almost froze when I saw all five names with confirmed air tickets to India — Kevin, Jennifer, Isaiah, Parker, and Ella.
I looked at VB and said, “WOW! This is actually happening! I can’t believe it!”
Even thinking about that now makes my heart race…
From thereon began the process of discussing visas, immunizations, passports, packing tips, long-haul travel tips, so on and so forth until I found myself giving the McAlexanders a tour. A tour of my house. The kitchen. My bedroom. The paintings I made. The neighbourhood I grew up in.
We went for rickshaw rides, ate street food, shopped for Indian clothes at the same store I’d always taken back clothes for my siblings from. Life was really completing a BIG round circle.
As the wedding day approached, I was elated, anxious, nervous but mostly just overwhelmed. Fortunate are those who have their family, friends, loved ones, near and dear ones to celebrate this big milestone. I was blessed and honoured to have that and MUCH more with both my families on my side as I embarked to become part of a third family.
We danced. We put mehendi. We ate. We danced some more. We applied haldi. We danced again. We did it all! And these are the memories I will cherish for a lifetime.
Grinnell College truly encouraged me to become self-aware and leave my comfort zone, but most importantly, it taught me the strength of love and compassion in this world — a commitment to constantly contribute to the common good.
I truly witnessed the power of nurturing a sense of community first-hand. I am forever indebted to Grinnell for giving me this wonderful family, but also for showing me the potential of love, which truly goes a long, long way!
A version of this article was published on the Grinnell website and magazine.
